Robin Rowley

Springville, UT
Sophomore, Pre-Social Work
Utah State University

Socially Constructing Children: A study about nurturing styles of caregivers and how they affect a childÕs decision-making ability

INTRODUCTION

Ever since I was a little girl, and because of my own experience being a child and growing up, IÕve pondered this question time and time again: "what makes a child confident in his or her own decision making ability?" Do different nurturing strategies lead to distinct levels of decision-making ability? How does the way a child is brought up affect the way he or she makes decisions, both now and in the future? Taking the differences in North American and Peruvian culture into account, is it reasonable to presume that North Americans and Peruvians socialize children to be children in the same manner? What are the expectations of the social roles?

BACKGROUND

Before coming to Peru, my stepfather and I were discussing children when he asked me, "What makes kids kids?" I interpreted his question as an inquiry as to which side of the "nature vs. nurture" debate I was on. Though the question was loaded, and I could not answer it, I became motivated to study children during my time in Huanchaco, Peru. Besides, this topic is very important to me as I hope to one day have children of my own.

My dad has told me many times about his childhood memories, and IÕve always loved listening to his stories about being a kid. Examples of the nurturing that he received were recounted to me in the form of stories from his childhood of playing in the mountains with his cousins, car rides to California, and mom making eight different breakfasts for her eight different children. But the one thing that still manifests itself to me above the rest was his great desire to be a father. He always knew that would be the most important thing he would ever do and he passed that overpowering desire down to me.

Yes, I am like my father in that ever since I was a little girl it has been my greatest desire to be a mother. I remember being nine years old and spending my time thinking of names for my future children and pondering over which discipline methods I will choose when I have children of my own. From a young age, it seemed very natural to me to want even as many as thirteen children. Although that number has drastically decreased over the years, thinking about the number of children I would like to raise has remained something IÕve thought about on a consistent basis. Over the years IÕve discussed this topic with my friends, siblings, and parents. IÕve come to the conclusion that, for me personally, the fewer children I have, the more of myself I will be able to give to each of them through one-on-one time. This is a key part of nurturing, and essential in order to develop the qualities that children need to become confident, secure adults.

My foremost goal is to be a good mother. I want to be the type of mother who raises uninhibited children who know who they are, and that their mother loves them no matter what, yet still grow up to be responsible and intelligent adults who are capable of making good decisions. It is of utmost importance to me to be that loving, supportive person for them, and also to make that contribution to the world in general. We all know the children of today grow to be the leaders of tomorrow.

This background about my own childhood experience is important to the present research because it makes me conscious of the fact that my expectations about nurturing strategies and their impacts on children are informed by my own experiences. Since coming to Peru IÕve realized that expectations about how children should be raised and about the characteristics that should be nurtured in order to give them necessary tools to become successful adults are different than in the United States. As a result of this insight, I decided to study these nurturing strategies, particularly among children who do not have the benefit of loving parents or one-on-one time with caregivers. Volunteering in a Peruvian orphanage gave me a perfect opportunity to study these differences.

METHODS

My primary method of data collection has been accomplished through participant observation. I spent time between three different sites for children in Huanchaco, Trujillo and Salaverry, Peru, and during that time in each of the various locations, I made observations. They are personal in nature, and obviously filtered through my sense of what is "normal". I will focus my report on what I found at Hogar de Esperanza, a boys and girlsÕ orphanage in Salaverry, Peru.

Another source of data collection was through ethnographic interviews with various persons. Information for this report will be taken from my interview with Bridget Graff, an American mother who adopted a Peruvian child. All informants names have been changed to protect their anonymity.

DISCUSSION

Steve and Bridget Graff are permissive parents with non-strict guidelines who believe in letting natural consequences be the teacher. When their children mess up they do not bail them out. One of their principal family expectations is to "try hard in school". Reading is also a big part of their lives. How do the Graffs teach these standards without being too forceful? Providing their children with the necessary tools and teaching by example are two intricate components of the teaching process. For example: for their oldest daughter, Nicole, they bought the Harry Potter series. She read the entire series out of her own desire to read. While their younger adopted Peruvian daughter, Alejandra, still cannot read in English, the Graffs recognize the importance of encouraging her to read. For that reason they plan to read the series out loud to her. Reading aloud not only helps accustom AlejandraÕs ear to English, but also shows her that reading is important enough an activity for her parents to take time to read the entire series with her.

The GraffsÕ focal point of nurturing their children is through choices, by allowing their daughters to make their own decisions and live with the consequences, taking into account that safety is the bottom line. (While choices are the hub of their parenting strategies, the Graffs are also aware of the need for structure, which is a developmental necessity for children.) To show how this "choice" strategy works, I will use an example Bridget shared. Nicole, their thirteen year old, likes to wear weird things to school. Her mom tells her she will most likely be made fun of, yet does not remove her liberty to choose what she wears. Of course Nicole exercises her choice by wearing her weird clothing, and as a result, sometimes comes home in tears. Bridget says she would rather deal with her daughterÕs tears than take away her choices. She calls it, "picking your battles".

Based on my experience being raised in the United States, under somewhat of the same type of parenting, I had certain expectations of what I would see in the Peruvian orphanage. My expectations included an emphasis on raising children to be confident individuals who are capable of making responsible decisions on their own. I now ask myself if my expectations were reasonable? This is what I observed during my first visit to Hogar de Esperanza.

There are three different "casitas" where the children live. In each casita a "substitute mother" lives with the kids. There are two casitas of boys and one of girls. First we met the "Amigos de Jesœs". There were ten boys between two and thirteen years old, mostly quiet and shy, yet curious as to whom we were. A couple of the boys were outgoing enough to hug us as we first came in. They had bright eyes and looked excited. We introduced ourselves and as we left almost every boy hugged us. After that we went upstairs to meet the "Chispitas de Amor" who are the thirteen girls with whom I will be working. They are between two and ten years old. As we entered the casita the little girls immediately smothered us with hugs and kisses. We sat down and each girl, in turn, stood and said her name and age. Some smiled shyly, others looked more serious. When all the introductions had been made, the girls sang us a song. They asked if I would be staying to help with them, and when I answered "yes" they cheered, clapped their hands, and squealed with excitement! They ran over to where I was seated on the couch and hugged me and kissed my cheeks.

We went right to work! I asked the substitute mother, Mar’a Luz, what I could do to help. She smiled warmly and said I could help the girls with their homework. The first person I sat down to help was Ana Gabriela. She is 5 years old, and for her homework we worked on her "sequences" (drawing shapes in different orders). Another little girl, Jessica, (also 5 years old) came to "supervise" . After a while I noticed I was alone with the girls, and I didnÕt know where the substitute mother had gone. I«m not sure what time it was, but homework time was obviously over, because the little girls started running through the house taking off their shirts and saying, "itÕs time to shower!" Ten year old Natalie asked me if I was going to put shampoo in everyoneÕs hair. We walked into the bathroom, where the only light came from the window. Little naked girls with towels in hand went running past me and got into the showers. Mar’a Luz grabbed one of the little girls who hadnÕt yet gotten into the shower and still had dry hair. She put about a quarter sized blob of shampoo on the top of her dry head and sent her to the shower. She handed me the bottle of shampoo, which was an indication that it was now my job. I squeezed quarter sized blobs of shampoo onto the remaining little girls« heads before they got in the shower. I was very impressed to see even five year old little girls showering themselves responsibly, washing their own hair, not crying nor complaining. There were four showers where, one by one, each girl showered. The cleaning process consisted of getting wet in low pressured, luke-warm water, washing their hair, cleaning their ears, and then cleaning their bodies with a soapy sponge. After rinsing off, they dried themselves, put on clean underwear, then put the same clothing back on.

Each girl followed the exact same process. Mar’a Luz continually told them all to dry their hair very well, so they wouldnÕt catch a cold. She repeated herself many times to make sure everyone heard the same information and followed the same rules. After the little girls were dressed it was time to brush their hair and style it. Braiding became my job for the next hour and a half, as every single girl wanted a french-braid! I did every style of braid I could think of until it was time to go to dinner.

For dinner we ate rice, lentils and liver with the kids. I had to force myself to swallow the food, as there was nothing to drink, and I did not want to be rude and look ungrateful for what they had given me. Nine year old Blanca sat next to me, and as she stirred her food around on her plate, slowly taking bites, it was obvious she didn«t like liver, either. Each child could not leave until they had finished their whole plate of food.

When we were done with dinner I went back to the casita to help with the kids. Once again I was left alone with the little girls, as the substitute mother, Mar’a Luz, stayed in the cafeteria to help the two year olds finish their dinner. (Even the littlest kids were required to finish everything on their plates!) In the casita we ate bananas. One of the girls asked me, "If we behave badly are you going to punish us with the stick?" I told her no. She asked me why I wouldnÕt, and without letting me answer, went on to say, "itÕs for our own good". I wondered about that, but recognized it was just me and my upbringing mixing into the experience. After we ate the bananas, Lucy, one of the five year olds, handed me the toothpaste. We went into the dark bathroom where all the little girls brushed their teeth. (ItÕs interesting to note that there is definitely a set schedule of when things are done, yet most tasks were accomplished in a disorderly way.) Little girls ran around with their toothbrushes in hand, naked all except underwear, laughing, playing and dancing. That didnÕt change when Mar’a Luz came in about half an hour later with Paulina, a five year old who obviously did not get to eat a banana. She hadnÕt finished her plate of rice and liver, which was brought back from the cafeteria and set on the table in our casita. Mar’a Luz smiled at me and went on her way. I was once again left alone, basically going with the flow, not sure whether I met her expectations of a responsible care-taker or not.

After the teeth-brushing and changing into pajamas, we all sat down on the couches and chairs. First we prayed, then we all stood and sang a hymn. Next we opened the bible and read together from Genesis. During the lecture two year old Victoria successfully attempted to make the other little girls laugh. Mar’a Luz got after them and let them know that when reading from the scriptures we are not to laugh, as that teaches itÕs okay to make fun of things and not pay attention to the scriptures. She told them the next time anyone laughed theyÕd be sent to their bed. We continued reading, each child paying careful attention to the lecture. After reading we prayed again and sang another song. I read them stories until 8:00 pm when I left for the night.

I will now discuss the differences in what I expected to see and what I actually saw in the Peruvian orphanage. In Hogar de Esperanza I noticed both structured and unstructured time. When the substitute mothers (or anyone else placed in the "adult" category) were present, the kids were almost always conforming and well-behaved. They followed directions and complied with the structure and rules. Several examples of compliant behavior are noted above through stories of dinner time, showering, teeth-brushing, etc. I considered those behaviors typical, and was not surprised by the level of conformity I saw. On the other hand, I found something I didnÕt expect happening whenever I was left alone with the children: I was excluded from the "adult" class and, as a result, placed in a non-defined social category for the kids at the orphanage. It seemed my presence became a release for the children as I experienced with them the realities of childhood in the orphanage, realities the substitute mothers never get to see. I saw the behaviors that come out in the absence of adults.

My Expectations and Findings

As a result of the North American society in which I was raised, I expected to see the caregivers in Hogar de Esperanza emphasizing the same values which were emphasized where I grew up. The values I know to be important when socializing children are independence, self-reliance, and the importance of weighing the pros and cons of decisions, which includes being encouraged to make responsible decisions individually.

In contrast, the values I noticed being emphasized in the Peruvian orphanage were centered more on obedience, following direction, compliance, and learning to be at peace with putting othersÕ needs above oneÕs own by conforming to "the way things are". The childrenÕs individual and personal needs were undeniably de-emphasized as they learned to fit into the social roles of sharing, putting othersÕ needs first, and conforming. The group always comes before individual.

After noting the vast differences regarding how Steve and Bridget Graff plan to raise Alejandra, and the actual time I spent with Peruvian children in the orphanage, IÕve discovered that what makes a kid a kid is, without doubt, socially constructed.

CONCLUSION / RECOMMENDATIONS

In conclusion, I have come to the understanding that North Americans and Peruvians have different expectations about socializing children, exactly what makes a kid a kid, and what are the necessary values a child must learn and develop in order to become a successful, confident and responsible decision-making adult. Nurturing strategies used with children are different in Peru than in the United States because the expectations placed on the adults are vastly different.

To the next researcher, my only recommendation is to leave your expectations behind. The less you assume, the better off youÕll be, and the more true information youÕll be open to learning. I came to Peru thinking that responsible decision-making was equal to independent self-confidence and individuality. Through my research IÕve been opened to the reality that Peruvian children make responsible decisions as they learn to conform and fit into the defined social roles which are, and will be expected of them of adults.