Healthy Relationships

Overview

If you have been involved in an emotionally abusive relationship, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship looks like. The following are basic rights in any relationship.

The right to:

  • good will from the other.
  • emotional support.
  • be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
  • have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
  • have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
  • receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
  • live free from accusation and blame.
  • have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
  • live free from emotional and physical threat.
  • live free from angry outbursts and rage.
  • be called by no name that devalues you.
  • be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

Treatment

We all enter romantic relationships with ideas about what we want influenced by family relationships, the media, and our own past relationship experiences. Holding on to unrealistic expectations can cause a relationship to be unsatisfying and eventually fail. The following helps distinguish between healthy and problematic relationship expectations:

  • Respect Changes. What you want from a relationship in the early months of dating may be quite different from what you want after you have been together for some time. Anticipate that both you and your partner will change over time. Feelings of love and passion also change with time. Respect and value these changes. Love literally changes brain chemistry for the first months of a relationship. For both physiological and emotional reasons, an established relationship will have a more complex and often richer passion than a new relationship.
  • Accept Differences. Differences among partner personality traits is often considered a positive. But when differences clash it can be a source of conflict. It can be difficult to accept there are things about a partner that may not change over time, no matter how much we want them to. Unfortunately, there is often an expectation that our partner will change only in the ways we want.
  • Express Wants and Needs. While it is easy to assume a partner knows your wants and needs, this is often not the case and can be the source of much stress in relationships. A healthier approach is to directly express our needs and wishes to our partner.
  • Respect Your Partner's Rights. There is respect for each partner's right to have his/her own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions. It is unrealistic to expect or demand he or she have the same priorities, goals, and interests as you.
  • Be Prepared to "Fight Fair." Couples who view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and something to be avoided at all costs, often find that accumulated and unaddressed conflicts are the real threat. Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, and seeking compromise.
  • Maintain the Relationship. While we may work hard to get the relationship started, expecting to cruise without effort or active maintenance typically leads the relationship to stall or crash.

Resources

You may find the following resources useful in learning to establish, improve, or maintain relationships.

USU:

Online:

Workbooks:

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