Ask an Expert — Tips for Talking to Kids About Substance Use

Parents are often the first to notice behavioral shifts that may indicate substance use. Key warning signs include sudden changes in sleep patterns (sleeping too much or too little), significant mood shifts or agitation when not using a substance (common in nicotine dependence), declining academic performance, or loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities, such as music or sports.

Talking with young people about substance use can be challenging, but it is imperative. By creating a safe space for questions and discussion, parents and other trusted adults can help youth make informed choices and recognize the risks of substance use.

To keep the dialogue open and effective, consider these tips.

• Be mindful of terminology. Use the term "substance use" rather than "drugs" or "abuse" to avoid stigma and negative responses from youth.
• Build foundations. Establishing a positive, safe relationship before addressing substance use is the most critical step. This ensures that when issues arise, youth feel prepared and comfortable talking to trusted adults.
• Use age-appropriate dialogue:
  • For younger children, use open-ended questions about what they hear at school. Around ages 5 to 8 years (kindergarten through third grade), prevention conversations should focus on building trust, encouraging questions, and helping children feel comfortable talking with a trusted adult. At this age, you don't necessarily need to introduce detailed information about specific substances unless a question or situation arises that necessitates a response.
  • For fourth graders, address specific trends like vaping by asking what they have observed. Fourth grade, typically around ages 9-10 years, can be a good time to start more frequent, intentional conversations about specific prevention topics, including vaping. However, there isn't one universal age when every child is ready for these discussions. What matters is a child's developmental level, experiences, and exposure to what is happening among their peers and in their community.
  • For high schoolers, provide honest explanations of brain development and physical effects. With teenagers, it's important to have honest, respectful conversations that recognize their growing independence and ability to think critically, while also acknowledging that their brains are still developing into the mid-20s. Teens are more likely to engage when they feel their perspectives are heard rather than simply being told what to do.
• Have discussions in a safe environment. Low-pressure settings, such as talking during car rides, can make conversations feel less like an interrogation.
• Be vigilant about using prescriptions as prescribed. The highly potent synthetic opioid fentanyl can be found in counterfeit pills designed to look like legitimate prescriptions, such as Adderall or Vicodin. Because these are made without regulation, dosages are unpredictable, dangerous, and potentially lethal. It is wise to keep Narcan on hand for emergencies. The life-saving medication can rapidly and temporarily reverse an opioid overdose.

If a parent becomes aware of a teen using any substance, take a break to manage anger or negative feelings before having a conversation. Try these tools.

• Inquire calmly. Ask how it started and where they’re getting substances rather than reacting with anger.
• Provide supportive boundaries. Enforce established house rules through logical consequences (e.g., losing phone privileges or an earlier curfew) while offering help through available resources. Youth and young adults can access the new e-cigarette quit program by texting "DITCHVAPE" to 88709. Parents and other adults looking to help young people quit can text "QUIT" to (202) 899-7550.
• Model Honesty. Parents who are in recovery can be open about sharing their personal experiences but should avoid terrifying "war stories" to explain why they no longer use substances.

Preventing substance use among youth starts with education, connection, and communication. Prevention isn't a single conversation or simply telling young people what not to do. It's about building relationships, keeping communication open, and helping children and teens develop the knowledge and confidence to make healthy decisions.

When young people have access to accurate information and trusted adults who listen, they are better equipped to navigate peer pressure, understand risks, and make healthy decisions. For more information, visit Understanding the Teen Brain and Building Strong Relationships: A Foundation for Supporting Healthy Decisions.