USU Extension Offers Resources to Teach Healthy Ways to Disagree

We currently live in a time when contentious conversations and deep differences are dividing countries, communities and families, but disagreeing better is possible.

Scholars from Utah State University Extension and the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University collaborated to create Disagree Better: A Parenting Toolkit, a free online resource to help families manage disagreements better inside and outside their homes.

David Schramm, USU Extension family life specialist, created the bulk of three short online courses to help parents and children learn principles and practices for better disagreements. Jason Carroll, director of the Family Initiative at the Wheatley Institute at Brigham Young University, collaborated and directed the project.

Schramm said the goal of the project was to create simple, short, free online modules to help parents learn and apply principles related to civility, kindness, understanding and respect.

Drawing on research, Schramm said the three lessons offer trusted tips, tools and ideas to manage differences in better ways. Each takes about 20 to 30 minutes online.

The first lesson, “Start with Me,” is designed for parents to assess what kind of example they are to their children in showing respect to others, even those they disagree with. The second lesson offers tips on how to disagree better with family members at home. The third lesson focuses on better ways to manage disagreements with people outside of the home — from friends and teachers to posts on social media or the referees at youth sports games.

“The modules help in understanding that there is a person behind every problem,” Schramm said. “It all starts with learning, living and sharing these principles at home. The lessons emphasize what we call the PAUSE approach to handling disagreements, which involves Pausing, Asking sincere questions, aiming for Understanding, Seeking common ground, and Engaging in respectful discussion.”

Carroll said that in this time of polarization and contention, it is important to help young people learn to be peacemakers.

“This starts with us as parents and the type of example we are to our children and how we speak to and about others,” he said. “It’s all about seeking to understand when we have differences of opinion.”

The Disagree Better Toolkit is available free of charge. Contact Schramm at David.Schramm@usu.edu for further information.