Stew Wouldn't Coach Us Bothered By Sand Gnats

Only a late-game knee injury kept Doug Hoffman from fouling out as Stew Wouldn't Coach Us (SWCU) expectedly fell to 0-2 on the Utah State University Intramural season with a 55-48 loss to the always pesky Sand Gnats Tuesday night.


The seriousness of Hoffman's injury was unknown, but it was not expected to keep him out of action for the rest of the year.

"I think he exaggerated the injury so he could talk to the cute female trainer that was on hand," said player-coach Todd "Toddzilla" Johnson. "I was thinking of faking a groin injury myself."

SWCU dug themselves a hole early falling behind 10-0 before someone made a shot - maybe it was Todd, but it is hard to remember. The never-say-die attitude of the team was evident as they fought their way back, cutting the margin to two at 26-24, but four straight three pointers by the always sharp-shooting Sand Gnats put SWCU down by 14.

Once again, giving 110 percent and in the case of Phil Garner, 120 percent, SWCU cut the margin to two in the second half, but fatigue, attitude and Hoffman's injury kept the team from making it a game.

Todd Sleight put forth his best Kareem Abdul-Jabaar impersonation by not crossing the halfcourt line on many of SWCU's possessions. His effort was rated at 50 percent, lowering the team's average. When he did make it to the other end of the floor, he was effective scoring 10 points.

"I play a smart brand of basketball," said the surly forward with the mutton chops that remind many of the guy from Blues Traveler. "I am not wasting my energy to run down there if we are just going to pass it out of bounds."

His effort or lack thereof was not wasted on his wife Jillian, who was one of six on hand for fan appreciation night.

"I brought our daughter to the game and she moved around more than he did," she said of her infant Samantha. "Maybe a slice of cheesecake at the end of the court would be incentive for him to run to the other end of the floor."

The Sand Gnats, who improved to 2-0, were aided by a scouting report from Mike Williams, the Aggie trainer, who plays on SG and organized many a pickup game that included players from SWCU."

"I told them don't guard Strauss, watch out for Hoffman's elbows and if nothing else, keep Sleight on the defensive side of halfcourt," Williams told the press aftewards. "I think leaving a piece of cheesecake at that end of the floor helped us there."

Things are looking up for SWCU as the team has a bye next Tuesday before their next loss on Feb. 11.

Release by "Stew Wouldn't Coach Us" Media Services and Grill